Exclusive Interview with Joe Biden’s Dog


Basia Griffin and Kailyn Story

Recently, a smear campaign was held against the dog of President Joe Biden. This awful, unjust, and unprovoked attack was brought upon Mr. Joe Biden’ Dog by Greg Kelly, a Newsmax host, and his guest. Newsmax is a smaller Republican run news outlet that gained popularity during Trump’s run in office.They called Mr. Joe Biden’ Dog awful names and tried to destroy his credibility as a White House Dog. Their public attack ended up spurring a myriad of comments about him. We were able to get this exclusive interview with him.


Interviewer: Hello Mr. Joe Biden’s Dog. How are you holding up?


Champ: You can call me Champ and I’m doing great thank you. I went for a walk today, I barked at nothing, and I sniffed another dog’s butt.


Interviewer: Wow Mr. Joe Biden’s Dog, you’re so strong. Continuing your day to day life as nothing has happened after that awful attack.


Champ: What attack?


Interviewer: That awful smear campaign that the Newsmax host and his guest started against you.


Champ: I really don’t ca-


Interviewer: They called you “dirty and disheveled” said you looked like you were from the junkyard, and that you looked “unlike a presidential dog”. Not to mention all the people who took to Twitter after this to make even more comments about your appearance.


Champ: Seriously?


Interviewer: I know, I know. It can be a lot to take in but just take your time.


Champ: No. I mean is that seriously what you care about?


Interviewer: What do you mean? This is a serious issue.


Champ: No! No it’s not! There are much more pressing issues that should be brought to the public’s attention! 


Interviewer: Like what?


Champ: Like what!?! How about the issues our country is having with police brutality and racism? Or our imigration problems! Or the public school system! That system has needed help for ages! All of these need to be talked about and worked on for ages now!


Interviewer: Yes, yes, of course. But you were attacked!


Champ: I’m a dog! I don’t care! I can’t comprehend what’s happening! This won’t affect anyone’s life! It won’t affect my life. I can guarantee you that! I’m literally just a dog!


Interviewer: I can’t believe you don’t care about animal abuse.


Champ: Of course I care about animal abuse but this was not animal abuse! Why does someone care about this so much! There are much better things that need discussion; like actual animal abuse, and other types of abuse, there’s mental health issues, how we as a country should be handling the pandemic, and so much more.


Interviewer: So do you know Lady Gaga’s dogs?


Champ: I’m done with this interview.