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Government Set to Increase Federal Spending on Military

Lomax Turner, Senior Editor

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It was announced recently that the president would strive to achieve a new landmark concept: to spend a record-breaking 100% of its budget on the military in 2018. Up from the previous 53.7% set in 2015, the new announcement would result in the deletion of programs such as abortion clinics, health care, veteran’s benefits, public transportation, science, education, and government.

 

“America is the police of the world”, a white house official released in statement explaining the major decision. “Irrelevant programs such as education and science have no place in today’s society. America is built on loyalty, patriotism, and nationalism; these ideals are what the military is built on, and we want to promote this on a national scale. We are already doing poorly with scientific research, and we are extremely behind on education; it is best to just let these programs go.”

 

“Individualism is what this country was built on.  If people need help, they will need to figure it out themselves. History has showed that the American people abuse government in order to elevate themselves through wasteful programs like social security and education. Health care is a waste of the government’s time; if people want to be healed, they have to make enough money to seek medical attention on their own. If an American cannot afford health care, they shouldn’t have been poor in the first place.”

 

“By spending all of the taxpayer’s money on the military, we will be able to get better at what we do best: using war to make our country more wealthy under the guise of protecting the nation’s security. We will invade area’s with the most oil, like Venezuela and Saudi Arabia. The latter country will be very easy to invade, since the more Islamic the country, the more [the American People] will use their internalized Islamophobia to believe that terrorists reside there. We can spit out [complete lies], and the American people will believe it.”

 

“Veterans deserve respect, so by putting more money into the military, their legacy will not go unheard. They may be committing suicide at alarming rates as a result of the public ignoring the complications of PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder), but we will ignore that crisis just as Reagan ignored the AIDS crisis in the 80’s. This country respects Veteran’s, but not their health; it’s best if we just cut this program in the interest of this country. ”

 

“America is going back to its roots by pursuing an isolationist policy. This way, jobs will stay in America and not be stolen overseas, which is why we will cut International Relations spending – we won’t need it”

 

“Although all obvious signs point to climate change as a real threat to our earth, we have chosen to ignore it so long, that continually supporting research that will make us look bad is something we plan on disallowing.”

 

“America first means nationalism first; so the taxpayers and citizens will get what they want: a military state – er – a democracy.”

 

– WASHINGTON D.C.

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8 Comments

8 Responses to “Government Set to Increase Federal Spending on Military”

  1. Reese Crabtree on April 7th, 2017 9:50 pm

    “America is going back to its roots by pursuing an isolationist policy. This way, jobs will stay in America and not be stolen overseas, which is why we will cut International Relations spending – we won’t need it”
    There’s a difference between political and economic isolation, and not to mention the fact that there has been no discussion of international relations spending since Paul Ryan’s bill he proposed back in 2011.

    [Reply]

  2. John Inferno on April 17th, 2017 10:57 am

    Spending 100% of the governments budget of the military seems unrealistic. Could you provide the source of that information, as well as the source of the quote that makes up the majority of your article? Who is this White House official, and where did he release this statement?

    [Reply]

    Lomax Turner Reply:

    This is a satirical article.

    [Reply]

    Dennis Cherry Reply:

    So you believe it is okay to post whatever toxic opinion you want without any kind of evidence or citation? And do you think it is okay to make an fake title and unrelated picture to a “satirical” article? This is the definition of fake news because I clicked on this article expecting statistics on how the government is increasing military spending, but what I got was somebody’s opinion about how the government is ruining the country. Take your political commentary elsewhere, it doesn’t belong on a “news” website

    [Reply]

    Lomax Turner Reply:

    This article is under the “Opinion” section of the Voice of Troy.

  3. FRankkkkkkkkkk on April 26th, 2017 11:49 am

    FUck yOu

    [Reply]

  4. Bush Did 9/11 on May 10th, 2017 10:28 am

    What if I want 100% of the budget to be spent on the military so we can finally exterminate all those damn towel heads, camel jockeys, sand niggers, goat fuckers, hajjis, and other dune coons.

    [Reply]

  5. Sahib on May 22nd, 2017 8:33 am

    “[the American People] will use their internalized Islamophobia to believe that terrorists reside there. We can spit out [complete lies], and the American people will believe it.”

    Obviously, this is not satirical. You actually believe this is true, it’s very sad to see ignorance on this website opinion or not. Obviously you have strong feelings about this matter, I would advise you to educate yourself.

    [Reply]

If you want a picture to show with your comment, go get a gravatar.




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Government Set to Increase Federal Spending on Military